Last week, I came across a reference to an incident that made me angry when it occurred several years ago. It was the result of a short sighted policy that was idiotic in the extreme.  Remembering the incident, I smiled, shook my head at the stupidity, and then continued working on the materials I was updating.

The Gautama Buddha taught that “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.”  This is a lesson I try to take to heart, but one that does not come easy.  It is all too human to relive an unpleasant situation over and over even after—as in this case—the individuals responsible for the situation are no longer working for the college.

One of the first times I clearly saw the self destructive nature of anger was during a development activity during which I made a list of people I resented.  The revelation came when I realized that I could not remember why I resented one of the people on my list.  I was grasping a hot coal and had no idea why.

Realizing the self destructive nature of anger does not mean that we need to pretend that everything is fine and dandy.  As one of my mentors used to say, “I believe in justifiable anger.  There are some things that should make us angry.”  The problem is not the anger, but how we deal with it.

In dealing with students or colleagues or administrators or polices or processes, it is easy to lose perspective allowing  anger to become self destructive.  When a student scams the syllabus or cheats or files a frivolous complaint, it is too easy for the anger to manifest itself—even unconsciously—into “all students are scum.”  This happened to me when I was revising my syllabi after last Fall semester.

During Fall semester, some students found loopholes which allowed them to scam the syllabus and, after filing frivolous complaints with the dean, earned higher grades than were justified.  I was angry about the time I had to waste as well as the fact that unearned grades were given.  During semester break, I worked hard to revise syllabi to prevent this situation from happening again.

Even though I knew that the scammers represented only a small portion of the students who enroll in my classes, I unconsciously grasped the hot coal and allowed my anger to seep its way into the language I initially drafted for my new syllabi.  Fortunately, I sent my drafts to a colleague.  By incorporating her insights into my revisions, I ended up with good syllabi.

Generally, when I confront a student about an inappropriate e-mail , she or he responds, “But I was angry when I wrote it” as if being angry excuses offensive behavior.  Offensive e-mail does not harm me, but the student who sent it is burned by the hot coal being so tightly grasped.

Once I suggested that a student check her citations before submitting her research paper for final evaluation.  She assured me that everything was correct and made no changes.  After failing the course, the student filed a complaint.  Once the dean shared my response to the complaint with her, the student realized that neglecting to follow my advice was ill advised.

I am sure that the student was angry when she failed the course and might even have felt justified in her anger.  But she did not allow her anger to control her actions.  Instead of grasping a hot coal, after reading my response to her complaint, the student sent the dean an e-mail saying that that she should have listened to me.  Because no hot coals were grasped, it was easy to work with the student to improve her understanding of documentation and allow her to improve her course grade.

This morning, I sent an e-mail in which I did not include the words “*#&%@ idiots.”  While I am irritated at a policy that is causing something to move forward far too slowly, I refuse to grasp a hot coal.  What good can come when leading with anger; no matter how justified?  I would only burn myself and not be able to advance the cause for which I am advocating.

–Steven L. Berg, PhD

[Postscript:  Shortly after I finished drafting this posting, I was informed that the issue being dealt with in this morning’s e-mail has been resolved without anyone graphing a hot coal.]

Photo Credit: R. Kurtz