I feel that the Dean’s assistant doesn’t like me. I made a request and she laughed at me. The next day, I told her that I didn’t feel she had treated me well and she told me that she didn’t care. I feel that if I make a complaint to the Dean, that the Dean will take her assistant’s side. I don’t feel this is fair.

Early in my career, I was taught that “feelings were facts;” that we needed to acknowledge people’s feelings about situations because those feelings were real to them. Once the feelings were acknowledged, the evidence of the situation could be discussed and evaluated. Even though the feelings themselves were facts, the feelings did not constitute factual evidence.

During the past year, I have witnessed an increase in the number of individuals who—regardless of any other evidence—insist that whatever they feel must be accepted as truth.

My first encounter with the Dean’s assistant took place at the end of a long day when I asked her if there was money in the budget to bring Judge Judy to campus. She did laugh as she asked if it had really been that bad of a day for me. The next day, as I was leaving campus, I stuck my head into her office and told her that I didn’t feel she had treated me fairly the day before. That is when she rightly told me that she didn’t care.

Even if I had a serious complaint against my colleague and began a conversation with the Dean with the words “I feel,” the Dean should give me her best Judge Judy impersonation as she told me, “I don’t care what you feel.” The Dean should only be interested in hearing my evidence.

Unfortunately, it has reached the point where, when a student begins a statement with “I feel,” my initial reaction is to assume that whatever follows will not be valid. For example, there was the student who sat in my office and started to cry as she complained, “I feel that you are trying to deprive me of my education.” It was the fifth of sixth week of the semester and the student had just been notified that her financial aid was in jeopardy because I had reported that she was not attending class. Even though she had spent less than one hour in the classroom so far that semester, she felt that I was being unfair.

In her case, the “I feel” charge against me was a desperate attempt to distract from her unethical—and possibly illegal—behavior. But there are plenty of examples where students argue that they feel it is unfair not to receive credit for work that is not completed or completed incorrectly, not being allowed to complete homework for other classes during class time, not being permitted to use their cell phones during class, or being expected to come to class regularly. A colleague recently told me that a student claimed that he felt it was unfair that it was his feeling that she should be more understanding of his undocumented “condition.”

I am reminded of a class I took more than 30 years ago. After reading my 20 page research paper, Dr. Glenn Wright told me that it was very well written and that he would not give me credit for it because my approach had deviated too far from the assignment; that I had not followed his directions. I would never have thought to argue, “I feel I did a good job and it is unfair that you will not give me credit.” I realized that even though it was true that I had done quality research, I did not deserve credit for an assignment I had done incorrectly. I was grateful that Dr. Wright gave me an incomplete in the course and allowed me to write another research paper.

As we begin the last two weeks of the semester, feelings are going to come to the forefront for many students. I anticipate hearing comments such as:

• I feel that I have completed enough research [even though no academic journals—a requirement of the assignment—were consulted]
• I feel that I should be able to miss class or the final conference for a family emergency [such as picking up my sibling from work or leaving on a vacation]
• I feel that you should accept my late work [even though it was submitted after the semester ended]
• I feel that I deserve a higher grade [even though I did not complete several major assignments]
• I feel it is unfair that I cannot give my presentation [even though I skipped class the day it was supposed to be given]

When I hear students talk about such feelings, I am going to think of Judge Judy proclaiming “I don’t care how you feel!” In the spirit of Judge Judy, I want students to show me the evidence of their success or else to take responsibility for their unacceptable behavior.

For students who are able to move beyond “I feel” to “I accept responsibility,” I am going to think of Dr. Wright. Then, instead of banging down the gavel while proclaiming “case dismissed,” I will assist those students to develop strategies for success in their academic and professional lives.

–Steven L. Berg, PhD