“What will become of young adults who look accomplished on paper but seem to have a hard time making their way in the world without the constant involvement of their parents?”

—Julie Lythcott-Haims
Former Dean, Stanford University

Tara Shultz and her parents are in the news after complaining that four of the graphic novels in her English class at Crafton Hills College included nudity, sex, violence, torture, and obscenities. Ms. Schultz characterizes the four novels—which include Marjane Satrapi’s award winning Persepolis— as “garbage.”

While reading news reports about Ms. Schultz and her parents, I was especially drawn to a comment that her father made to reporter Sandra Emerson: “If they (had) put a disclaimer on this, we wouldn’t have taken the course.”

“…we wouldn’t have taken the course.”

The plural is problematic. Ms. Schultz is a singular individual and it is “she” who enrolled in Professor Ryan Bartlett’s English 250 course; not she and her father. Mr. Schultz’s worldview that “we” are taking the course inhibits his ability to fulfill his parental responsibility to help his daughter develop into a mature adult who has learned the life skills necessary to function successfully in the adult world.

I have had parents whom have tried to intercede with me on behalf of their children. Too often, these students are unaware that their parents have contacted me on their behalf.

In the most extreme cases, parents impersonated their children. In the case of one mother, the daughter was not amused when “she” was accused of academic dishonesty that “we” had committed without her knowledge.

Once, a father questioned why I had given his son an Incomplete and threatened to pursue his concerns about my conduct with administrators. Because the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) prohibited me from discussing his son’s grade with him, I was unable to inquire why he thought it was a good idea to criticize the behavior of a professor who had agreed to work with his son to pass the course when that professor could have instead issued his son a failing grade. But what most troubled me about the brief exchange was that the father should have been having a discussion with his son; not his son’s professor.

A model of positive parental involvement was exhibited by a mother who sat in the hall outside the Dean’s office when I met with the Dean and her daughter. Unlike Tara Shultz’s father, this mother realized that “we” were not having a problem; that it was her daughter’s problem and that her daughter would need to fix it. I am sure that mother coached her daughter on how to handle the meeting and was there to support her daughter, but mother rightly allowed the daughter to successfully negotiate her way in the adult world in which she was now a member.

When I first read the comment by Mr. Schultz, I wondered how long “we” would be taking courses together. Would “we” continue to take courses until graduation? Would “we” accept a job? Would “we” then deal with employment issues? At what point, I wondered, when will Mr. Schultz allow his daughter to function as an independent woman? Age 25? Age 30? Never?

Like the mother who waited in the hall while I met with her daughter and the Dean, Mr. Schultz could have coached his daughter on how to handle the situation with her professor. But there are other issues he could have discussed with her so that she could better make her way in the adult world.

Because his daughter was so disturbed by the novels, Mr. Schultz might have encouraged her to consider whether or not being an English major is a good choice. As an English major, his daughter is going to encounter more novels that address issues in ways that she will likely find disturbing.

Mr. Schultz might also have helped his daughter investigate how trying to insure that others do not have access to the books to which she objected is inconsistent with her Twitter post that “If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.”

Or Mr. Schultz might have helped his daughter consider the seeming contradiction of expecting her professor and Clifton Hills College to bow to her feelings when she has previously advocated that feelings are not constitutionally protected.

Mr. Schultz might have helped his daughter understand that people might not take her concerns seriously because her Twitter feed includes references to sex and violence, has an obscenity in a post, and recommends that her followers go to a website that includes images of nakedness.

In many ways, it appears that Tara Schultz is a victim of the type of poor parenting about which Dr. Lythcott-Haims writes.

Unfortunately, because Ms. Schultz is now 20 years old, she will need to accept the consequences of her decisions as the adult she is. Although her father might still infantilize her, the world is going to evaluate her choices as if they were made by a singular adult–not as a child tied to her daddy. It is this singular adult who will reap the results of her decision to place her complaints about her professor in the public sphere. I fear she was not well prepared for the reaction she might get.

–Steven L. Berg, PhD

 

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