My dean once commented, “You really don’t like it when people lie to you.” It was a statement of fact, not a criticism. Rather, she was recognizing that when someone lied to me, I was burdened with an intense emotional reaction.

It was not until I read Leonard Mlodinow’s Emotional: How Feelings Shape Our Thinking (2022) that is occurred to me that sometimes a student who is clearly lying might not be lying and that there are strategies to lesson the emotional burden for faculty dealing with students who lie.

This revelation came when Mlodinow cited a case study of Jim whose third wife was divorcing him. Although Jim had had affairs and in other ways seemed clearly a “jerk,” Jim’s therapist commented, “he’s not lying, he’s just wrong.” The therapist explained that Jim perceived himself as a wonderful husband and father even though he was actually “a horrid human being.” But because Jim did not comprehend his situation accurately, he wasn’t really lying. (p. 158)

Students lie. And they lie for many reasons. But there are times when students lie because they cannot perceive their circumstances accurately. For example, I once met with a student who wanted to know if it were still possible to get a good grade in a class in which they knew they were underperforming. I checked the grade center, calculated the current grade, and showed the student that they had over 94% in the class. The student was not lying. They were mistaken.

But if the student had argued that they were doing well and had no idea why I had referred them for academic support, it would be an almost natural reaction to accuse them of lying after I checked the grade center and discovered low grades and incomplete assignments.

While contemplating Jim’s experience, I considered some extreme cases of lying students. In one complaint, a student accused me of designing an assignment that required them to create content for a website from which I was making money. In their complaint, the student included images of the advertisements from the website and rightly argued that I ought not be making money off student work. The problem was that the student cited the wrong website.

I was extremely angry that a student would perpetrate such an outlandish lie. And I responded to the complaint accordingly. But what if the student wasn’t lying? What if they were mistaken? Is it possible that they had gone to the wrong website? Even if this student were lying, it would still be better for my mental health if I did not get caught up in the anger generated by the lie and instead responded to the mistake the student made.

Presenting the evidence of the mistake without focusing on the lie—even when the student is clearly lying—is a type of emotional regulation called reappraisal. It is a way to reduce undesirable emotional distress.

I remember being very angry when a student claimed I had not answered any of their email. I forwarded to the dean the 20+ emails I had sent to a student during the previous two weeks. This student was clearly lying and expressed surprise that the dean forwarded their complaint to me for a response. Instead of nursing an anger that I remember feeling even years later, I wish I had simply replied, “Here is the evidence that the student is mistaken.” My anger at the obvious lie only affected me; not the student.

In arguing that it might be best to respond as if the student is mistaken, I specifically signaled out faculty members. Such reappraisal does not apply in the same way to administrators who deal with student complaints.

Although an administrator may initially respond as if the student is mistaken, students must be held accountable for the veracity of the evidence they submit as part of a complaint. While I might have used reappraisal to lessen my emotional burden when I forwarded the 20+ emails to the dean, the college needs to appropriately deal with falsified data so as not to allow students to lie with impunity.

To recognize that “they’re not lying; they’re just wrong,” is a strategy faculty can use for positive emotional regulation for our own mental health purposes by reframing the discussion without altering the outcome. This works for both informal inquires and formal complaints. However, once a formal complaint is filed, administrators need to support faculty members by holding students accountable for any inaccurate information they provide.

–Steven L. Berg, PhD

Works Cited

Mlodinow, Leonard. Emotional: How Feelings Shape Our Thinking. Pantheon Books, 2022.

 

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